Infinite Loss (Book 3)

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With lessons and lives of sacrifice and devotion behind her, Maya must continue the journey into her next incarnations as a young and passionate Lakota warrior on the Great American Plains; the dashing British spy Major John André, fighting the tide of a great revolution; and the desolate master of the macabre, Edgar Allan Poe.

Each life is touched with love but strained by unbearable grief. Maya must experience life’s most trying lesson…the devastation of loss.

You can find a sample reading from Infinite Loss here.

Historical Background

I’ve included some direct links that will help the reader appreciate and understand my novel better. Some elements seem unbelievable and most readers would be surprised that many of the events and details have historical basis. Since I didn’t want to interrupt the fictional reader with footnotes, I’ve included actual ancient proverbs, quotes, and poems that I featured in my novel below. If the reader would like to peruse the sources I used for fictional inspiration, please scroll down to the bibliography. I highly recommend each one and thank them for all of their teachings.

Infinite Loss (Infinite Series, Book 3)

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Great Plains Native American Life

“A man must make his own arrows.”

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”

“A good warrior makes a poor scout.”

“It is easy to be brave from a distance.”

“Do not let yesterday use up too much of today.”

“Beware of the man who does not talk, and the dog that does not bark.”

“Force, no matter how concealed, begets resistance.”

“You cannot see the future with tears in your eyes.”

“They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.”

“Life is not separate from death. It only looks that way.”

“Listen, or your tongue will keep you deaf.”

“In death I am born.”

Unfortunate_death_of_major_andre

Revolutionary War Life

“While with nice hand he mark’d the living grace,
And matchless beauty of Honora’s face
Th’ enamour’d Youth the faithful traces blest,
That barb’d the dart of beauty in his breast;
Around his neck th’ enchanting Portrait hung
While a warm vow burst ardent from his tongue.” James Thomas Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy: Benedict Arnold and John André (New York: Syracuse University Press, 1991), 26.

“How weak is my rage his fierce Joy to control.
A Kiss from thy body shoots Life in his Soul.
Thy frost too dissolv’d in one Current is run
And all thy keen feelings are blended in one.
Thy limbs from his Limbs a new Warmth shall acquire;
His passions from thine shall redouble their Fire
’Til wreck’d and o’erwhelmed in the Storm of delight
Thine ears lose their hearing, thine eyes lose their Sight.
Here Conquest must pause tho’ it ne’er can be cloy’d
To view the rich plunder of beauty enjoy’d,
The Tresses dishevelled, the Bosom display’d,
And the Wishes of Years in a moment repaid.
A Thousand soft thoughts in thy fancy combine
A Thousand wild horrors assemble in Mine;
Relieve me kind death, shut the Scene from my View,
And Save me, oh save me, ere madness ensue!” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 268-69.

“I urged the land, in phrensy’d mood
To follow with the tide;
And, as the land more backward stood,
The river’s course I chide…

Despair’d, I stagger’d from the strand
And sought this silent grove
Where these sad lines my fault’ring hand
Has pencil’d unto love.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 33-34

“Sumptuous palaces rise to receive me. I see orphans, widows, painters, fiddlers, poets and builders protected and encouraged.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 21.

“The colonials are like little dogs; the louder they yap the less likely they are to attack the British Lion.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 35.

“Idiots surely, but Andre, they held my face over their sharpened hatchets and forced me to smell it, reminding me of it’s disagreeable effects on the skull.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 146.

“You may thank my old mistress for your lives!” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 145.

“Nothing but good can befall me for some time, having had in this year and a half a considerable dose of evil in advance.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 150.

“…bloody piece of work…” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 155.

Pachelbel’s Canon in D– Even though this piece was created in 1680 it fell into obscurity until a resurgence in the 1920’s. I decided to use it in my fiction despite this since the tune has so much depth and meaning.

I am immune now to the charming entrapment of the fairer sex. I have had my romantic illness and I am now recovered. Keeping my distance for fear of another fever.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 33.

“Major, the last rank the renegade held in the British army.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 153.

“…only fight under the influence of an extraordinary quantity of strong liquor.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 153.

“Hurt him so little that I wish I had received them myself, to make people stare with the story of five wounds in one day.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 158.

“…strong liquors…” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 158.

“My vest is of white satin with pink, puffy sleeves strapped with black and silver lace. The hose I wear are such a brilliant white, they nearly glow in the twilight. A pink scarf is draped on my right shoulder, fastened with a grandiose white bow and ends with long silver fringes that hang low on my left hip. My sword belt is embellished, my garters are decorated with pink and silver bows with fringes and my wide, buff leather boots scrunch lazily around my ankles. The best part of my costume is the white satin hat with large red, black and white plumes I wear turned up in the front on top of my curled hair, which is tied back in a silver ribbon. ” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 211.

“We are the Knights of the Blended Rose. We droop when separated…We are the Knights of the Burning Mountain. I burn forever.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 212.

“the blue devils” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 198.

“I have known many, and liked not a few, but loved only one, and this toast is to you.”

“Lift MacCahir Og your face
Brooding o’er the old disgrace
That black FitzWilliam stormed your place,
Drove you to the Fern
Grey said victory was sure
Soon the firebrand he’d secure;
Until he met at Glenmalure
With Feach MacHugh O’Byrne.”

“Curse and swear Lord Kildare,
Feach will do what Feach will dare
Now FitzWilliam, have a care
Fallen is your star, low.
Up with halberd out with sword
On we’ll go for by the lord
Feach MacHugh has given the word,
Follow me up to Carlow.”

“See the swords of Glen Imayle,
Flashing o’er the English pale
See all the children of the Gael,
Beneath O’Byrne’s banners
Rooster of the fighting stock,
Would you let a Saxon cock
Crow out upon an Irish rock,
Fly up and teach him manners.”

“From Tassagart to Clonmore,
There flows a stream of Saxon gore
Oh, great is Rory Oge O’More,
At sending loons to Hades.
White is sick and Lane is fled,
Now for black FitzWilliam’s head
We’ll send it over, dripping red,
To Liza and her ladies.”

“…were careful to father a bastard for every Rebel they had killed…” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 205.

If at the close of war and strife
My destiny once more
Should in the varied paths of life
Conduct me to this shore;

Should British banners guard the land
And factions be restrained;
And Cliveden’s mansion peaceful stand,
No more with blood be stained—

Say! Wilt thou then receive again,
And welcome to thy sight,
The youth who bids with stifled pain
His sad farewell tonight?” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 215-16.

“Please take this trembling hand that only exposes the chaos of my heart. The very heart that which has been calm and serene amidst the clashing of arms, and all the din and horrors of war, trembles with diffidence and the fear of giving offence when it attempts to address you on a subject so important to its happiness.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy,  220.

“that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“My Dearest Life,
Never did I so ardently long to see or hear from you at this instant. I am all impatience and anxiety to know how you do. Six days without hearing from you is intolerable. I am heartily tired with my journey and almost so with human nature. The day after tomorrow I leave this and hope to be made happy by your smiles on Friday evening; till then, all nature smiles in vain, for you alone, heard, felt, and seen, possess my every thought, fill every sense, and pant in every vein.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 245.

“…will excuse me if I cannot divest myself of all humanity to my enemies and common civility to all mankind in general, merely out of compliance to them.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 250.

“Arnold’s court-martial convened and he was exonerated of mistreating his militia and buying when shops were closed, but he is guilty of two counts of granting nonmilitary passes. Arnold was enraged, which flared the pain in his leg, causing him to be carried from court to his carriage. He was sentenced to receive a reprimand from Washington. Even though some would think this a bad turn, Washington has gone easy on him and but slapped him on the wrist. All this has only embittered him more and legitimized his turning sides. Immediately Arnold has gone to Washington’s encampment, trying to vie for a worthy command..” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 304.

“Washington is headed to the Hudson, the French alliance seems to be in negotiation, and congress has given up Charleston if attempted; they are in want of arms, ammunition, and men to defend it.This is a sample of the intelligence I can gather on a weekly basis if the General is interested. As life and everything is at stake, I will expect some certainty. General Washington has said himself about my worth, “It is not in the power of any man to command success, but you have done more, you have deserved it.” Please respond promptly, before I change my mind.
Madam A presents you with her particular compliments.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 282.

“We cannot disclose the movements or plans of the British Army at this time but leave to you to think of an effective stroke. Join the army, accept command, be surprised, cut-off —these things happen in the course of maneuver, nor you be censured or suspected. A complete service of this nature, involving corps of five or six thousand men, would be rewarded with twice as many guineas.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 287.

“…join the army in about three weeks.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 290.

“…Arnold ventured to ask, ‘If the general had thought of anything for him?’…“Washington replied, ‘Yes, yes’ smiling so that Arnold beamed in his anticipated answer. ‘You are to lead the left wing of the continental army.’ He didn’t hide his dissatisfaction, and said nothing, to the great displeasure of Washington. Washington ordered him back to camp…We rushed down to find the miserable faker grabbing his bad leg, swearing and shouting at Washington that ‘he was useless on horseback now, that his constant pain has broken his spirit and his only chance was the granny position at West Point.’… He said he’d think on it and, even when Arnold kept up his antics of cursing and hobbling around, Washington announced he felt it would lift his spirits to appoint him to command the left wing…Soon afterwards, Washington received news from a trusted source,”—he points to himself—“that the British had abandoned their attack on Rhode Island and returned to New York. With the city thus reinforced, the rebels would not be able to carry out their attack on New York. Not needing Arnold in the fight, Washington relented and gave Arnold what he wanted.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 316.

“…that a mutual confidence betwixt us is wanting.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 312.

“I am now insisting on ten thousand pounds sterling with five hundred pounds annual stipend and twenty thousand pounds for the West Point.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 314.

The Cow Chase
To drive the Kine, one summer’s mourn
The Tanner took his way,—
The calf shall rue, that is unborn,
The jumbling of the day.

And Wayne—descending steers shall know
And tauntingly deride;
And call to mind, in every low,
The tanning of his hide.

For well you know, the latter is
The serious operation:
And fighting with the Refugees
Is only—demonstration.

His daring words from all the crowd
Such great applause did gain,
That every man declared aloud
For serious work—with Wayne.

But here—the muse has not a strain
Befitting such great deeds,
Huzza, they cried. Huzza for Wayne!
And shouting—did their needs.

But, ah, Thadaeus Posset, why
Should thy poor soul elope?
And why should Titus Hooper die,
And die—without a rope?

And now I’ve closed my epic strain,
I tremble as I show it,
Lest this same warrio-drover Wayne
Should ever catch the poet.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 323-339.

“I have just returned from King’s Ferry after waiting hours, staring in the direction of Philadelphia, in the hope that I might see Peggy arriving at last. I have imagined a thousand fancied disasters that might have befallen her and have now sent a dragoon as far as New Brunswick to ask if anyone had seen her on the road. Anxiety has overtaken me and I find it hard to concentrate on the pressing matter of the particulars of our meeting. I think it is best for all parties involved for ‘John Anderson’ meet me in disguise at the end of the week.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 328-329.

“You must be sensible. My situation will not permit my meeting or having any private intercourse with such an officer. I assure you, if you reach our lines by stealth, I will engage you shall be perfectly safe here.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 229.

“Number one: Under no circumstances are you to change out of your uniform for any other costume. Do you hear me? No circumstances! Two: You are to meet under a flag of truce. Three: You are not, you hear me, not to enter an enemy post. And four: You are not to carry any incriminating papers with you.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 339.

“the only man of abilities.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 266.

“Not one, but two! Paroling the waters and chasing me upstream, firing cannons. I dared not raise my flag since the hills were surely covered in patriots watching their General being attacked…Thankfully, my strong oarsmen pulled us to safety of an American blockhouse, where I was forced to write to Washington of my whereabouts, to advert suspicious minds. I had hoped you had called off your gunboat for my second attempt, but no, I again had to flee. My oarsmen dropped me off at the ferry and have been sent away for the night.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 330-331.

“I will not speak against my position until I am granted the ten thousand pounds we have discussed, win or lose…I am only empowered to give you six thousand pounds… If it were not for Peggy and the children I would not ask for a cent!” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 346.

“I will gather all of my troops at Fishkill prior to the attack so that Clinton can attack the three thousand that we agreed upon.” I nod and he continues, “You must understand that I can’t seem obvious in my actions and attract suspicion, so I cannot order my troops to do anything silly. The post would have to be lost by the British being one step ahead of my planned defense, so that to everyone else it is a realistic attempt.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 347.

“His courage was acquired, and that he was a coward till he was fifteen years old.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 3.

“General Washington has confided, and confided to me only, for fear of the information falling into the wrong hands”—he scoffs—“that he will be at King’s Ferry Sunday evening next, on his way to Hartford where he is to meet the French admiral and General and will lodge at Peek’s Kill.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 333.

“Who goes there?…Friends.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 345.

“What party? Gentleman, I belong to your party…the lower party…I’m glad to see you. I am an officer in the British service, and I have now been on particular business in the country…My God…I must do anything to get along! Gentleman, you had best let me go, or you will bring yourselves into trouble, for, by your stopping me, you will detain the General’s business…Damn Arnold’s pass. You said you were a British Officer. Then where is your money? Gentlemen, I have none about me…a British officer and no money. Search him boys…This, is a spy!…I could direct it to any place you like. This very spot if you must…Could you not give us more then?… Any quantity of dry goods, and sum of money, anything if you deliver me to Kingsbridge…But then as soon as we get there you’ll have your dragoons arrest us and you will save your money…Then two of you guard me while the third goes to the British lines with a note that will procure you a hundred guineas for my exchange.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 357-358.

“Yes, precisely similar, and similar shall be your fate.”

“I beg your Excellency will be persuaded that no alteration in the temper of my mind, or apprehension for my safety induces me to take the step of addressing you, but that it is to rescue myself from an imputation of having assumed a mean character for treacherous purposes or self-interest, a conduct incompatible with principles that actuated me, as well as with my condition of life. It is to vindicate my fame that I speak, and not to solicit security. I was in my regimentals and had fairly risked my person. However, a military official from the Continental Army ordered me, against my will, to change into civilian clothes to cross American lines. I was thus a prisoner of war and a prisoner of war has the right to change into civilian clothes to escape. In any rigor policy may dictate I hoped to be recognized as a gentleman who has done nothing dishonorable. I also request permission to write my superior, General Clinton and a nearby friend for clean linen. I must also bring to your attention, the prisoners held presently in South Carolinas, who conspired against the crown while either under parole or under protection. Though their situation is not similar, they are objects who may be set in exchange for me; or are persons whom the treatment I receive might affect.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy,  364-365.

“MY HIDING PLACE

Hail, sovereign love, which first began
The scheme to rescue fallen man!
Hail, matchless, free, eternal grace,
Which gave my soul a Hiding Place!

Against the God who built the sky
I fought with hands uplifted high–
Despised the mention of His grace,
Too proud to seek a Hiding Place.

Enwrapt in thick Egyptian night,
And fond of darkness more than light,
Madly I ran the sinful race,
Secure — without a Hiding Place!

But thus the eternal counsel ran:
Almighty love, arrest that man!
I felt the arrows of distress,
And found I had no Hiding Place.

Indignant Justice stood in view;
To Sinai’s fiery mount I flew;
But Justice cried with frowning face,
This mountain is no Hiding Place!

Ere long a heavenly voice I heard,
And mercy’s angel soon appeared:
He led me, with a beaming face,
To Jesus as a Hiding Place.

On Him almighty vengeance fell,
Which must have sunk a world to hell!
He bore it for a sinful race,
And thus became our Hiding Place.

Should sevenfold storms of thunder roll,
And shake this globe from pole to pole,
No thunderbolt shall daunt my face,
For Jesus is my Hiding Place.

A few more setting suns at most
Shall land me on that glorious coast,
Where I shall sing the song of grace,
And see my glorious Hiding Place!”

“The general has escaped to us, but we have lost—how shall I tell it to you—poor André. I am distressed beyond words to describe. I have nothing to reproach myself with. I am forced to honor General Arnold’s protection, though I like nothing better than to hang the greedy scoundrel, so as not to discourage more rebel desertions. With my hands tied, I have rounded up twenty American noncombatants on the charge of espionage that I am more than happy to negotiate for Major André’s liberation.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 381.

“Major André, I have suffered from malaria, smallpox, pleurisy and dysentery, all before I was thirty. On my way back from French Fort le Boeuf, I fell off my raft into an icy river and nearly drowned. Later, in the same trip, I was shot at by an Indian standing less than fifty feet away, who obviously missed. During Braddock’s Defeat in 1755, four bullets punctured my coat and two horses were shot out from under me.”

“Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism,”

“Can I plea for a trial by a court of ladies?” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 385.

“I will allow the evidence to operate within the board.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 384.

“Major Andre, Adjutant General of the British Army, ought to be considered a spy from the enemy, and that, agreeable to the law and usage of nations, it is their opinion he ought to suffer death.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 384.

“I’d like to thank the board for every mark of indulgence and not pressing me to answer questions that would embarrass my feelings. If I have ever felt any hostility toward Americans, my present experience has obliterated them.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 385.

“I foresee my fate, and, though I pretend not to play the hero or to be indifferent about life, yet I am reconciled to whatever may happen, conscious that misfortune not guilt has brought it upon me. There is only one thing that disturbs my tranquility.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 385.

“Sir Henry Clinton has been too good to me. I would not for the world leave a sting in his mind that should embitter his future days.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 385.

“Your Excellency,
Is doubtless already apprised of the manner in which I was taken and possibly of the serious light in which my conduct is considered and the rigorous determination that is impending. I wish to remove from your breast any suspicion that I could imagine I was bound by Your Excellency’s ordered to expose myself to what has happened. The events of my coming within an enemy’s posts and of changing my dress, which led me to my present situation, were contrary to my own intentions, as they were to your orders, and the circuitous route which I took to return was imposed without alternative upon me.
I am perfectly tranquil within my mind, and prepared for any fate to which an honest zeal for my King’s service may have devoted me. In addressing myself to Your Excellency on this occasion, the force of all my obligations to you, and of the attachment and gratitude I bear you, occurs to me. With all the warmth of my heart, I give you thanks for Your Excellency’s profuse kindness to me, and I send you the most earnest wishes for your welfare which a faithful, affectionate, and respectful attendant can frame.
I have a mother and three sisters to whom the value of my commission would be an object, as the loss of Grenada has much affected their income; it is needless to be more explicit on this subject; I am persuaded of Your Excellency’s goodness.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 385-386.

“I have ordered thousands of men to die for an ideal. Generals, officers, militiamen, and peasants are all shook by this most heinous betrayal. If I were to excuse you from punishment, one man for all of those thousands, I would fear the whole cause would be lost, however charming that one life would be.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 390.

“Sympathy toward a soldier will surely induce Your Excellency and a military tribunal to adapt the mode of my death to the feelings of a man of honor.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 386.

“However, I see, all who has the pleasure to have known you, shall all lament it.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 390.

“Leave me until you can show yourself more manly.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 391.

“I am ready at any moment, gentlemen, to wait on you.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 391.

“Farewell, I need not say how affectionately.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 302.

“Must I die in this manner?…I am reconciled to my fate, but not to the mode.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 392.

“It will be but a momentary pang.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 392.

“Major André, if you have anything to say, you can speak, for you have but short time to live.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 393.

“You all bear me witness that I meet my fate as a brave man.” Flexner, The Traitor and the Spy, 393.

“When the epic strain was sung
The poet by the neck was hung
And to his cost he finds too late
The dung-born tribe decides his fate.”

Edgar_Allan_Poe_portrait_B

A New nation

“Good hard flesh…” Kenneth Silverman, Edgar A. Poe: Mournful and Never-ending Remembrance (New York: Harper Perennial, 1992), 10.

“Fortitude. Correctness. Obedience. Industry. Self-control. Perseverance. Prudence. Good habits.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 12.

“For my little son Edgar, who should ever love Boston, the place of his birth, and where his mother found her best, and most sympathetic friends.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 9.

“verry economical.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 13.

“Why should you get what I did not?” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 12.

“I rose in this world by my own exertions.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 12.

“Mrs. Allan desires her Love to Edgar.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 20.

“Though it is true I taught you to aspire, even to eminence in Public life, but I never expected that Don Quixotte, Gil Blas, Jo:Miller and such works were calculated to promote the end.”

“You are too proud to take a job, to lazy to care for yourself, too weak to abstain from loosing at cards…” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 35.

“I have heard you say (when you little thought I was listening and therefore must have said it in earnest) that you had no affection for me.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 35.

“eating the bread of Idleness…” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 35.

“Some place in this wide world, where I will be treated not as you have treated me.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 35.

“It is in the greatest necessity that you immediately send assistance. I tremble for the consequence if you should fail.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 36-37.

“After such a black list of charges, you tremble for the consequence unless I send you a supply of money. Well the world will reply to them.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 37.

“Pretty Letter.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 37.

“Sergeant Major of the Regiment of Artillery, the highest non-commissioned rank in the army.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 43.

“We’re informed on our first day that out of one hundred and thirty cadets, only thirty-five graduate.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 61.

“be prudent and careful” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 50.

“I’ve eleven and half dollars for pantaloons, coats, and trimmings. Bought a pen knife and new calf-skin boots. And what do I get? No appreciation in return! Not a spark of affection for me, not a particle of gratitude for all my care and kindness!” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 27.

“At least She is half your Sister.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 27.

“Everyone is quite aware that Joseph Gallego, died and left a will bequeathing two thousand dollars for Rosalie’s maintenance.”

“Did I, when an infant, solicit your charity and protection, or was it of your own free will, that you volunteered your services in my behalf? It is well known to respectable individuals in Baltimore, and elsewhere, that my Grandfather (my natural protector at the time you interposed) was wealthy, and that I was his favorite which you held forth to him a letter which is now in possession of my family, induced him to resign all care of me into your hands. Under such circumstances, can it be said that I have no right to expect any thing at your hands?” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 64.

“It was my crime to have no one on Earth who cared for me, or loved me.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 64.

“From the time of writing this I shall neglect my studies and duties at the institution-if I do not receive your answer in ten days.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 65.

“Come blind, come lame, come cripple,
Come some one and take me away!
For ’tis O! What will become of me,
O! What shall I do?
Nobody coming to marry me,
Nobody coming to woo!” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 4.

“This gift of her I loved so well.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 83.

“The happiest day—the happiest hour,
My sear’d and blighted heart has known,
The brightest glance of pride and power
I feel has flown—” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 84.

“We view the production as highly credible to the Country. Throughout, there runs a rich vein of deep and powerful thought, clothed in the language of almost inimitable beauty and harmony. His fancy is rich and of an elevated cast; his imagination powerfully creative.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 59.

“I am in the greatest distress and have no other friend on earth to apply to except yourself if you refuse to help me I know not what I shall do. Eleven days ago I was arrested for a debt. If you will only send me this one time $80, by Wednesday next, I will never forget you kindness & generosity. If you refuse God only knows what I shall do & my hopes & prospects are ruined forever.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 95.

“struggling without friends”, “desperate for aid”, “Neilson has kindly offered to take us in and even to fund Virginia’s education”, “what shall we do, dear Eddie?” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 104.

“Blessed with every social and benevolent feeling, he fulfilled the duties of Husband, Father, Brother, and Friend, with surpassing Kindness, supported the ills of life with Fortitude, and his Prosperity with Meekness.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 97.

The Long Ago
“Tell me the tales that to me were so dear,
Long, long ago, long, long ago,
Sing me the songs I delighted to hear,
Long, long ago, long ago,
Now you are come all my grief is removed,
Let me forget that so long you have roved.
Let me believe that you love as you loved,
Long, long ago, long ago.

Do you remember the paths where we met?
Long, long ago, long, long ago.
Ah, yes, you told me you’d never forget,
Long, long ago, long ago.
Then to all others, my smile you preferred,
Love, when you spoke, gave a charm to each word.
Still my heart treasures the phrases I heard,
Long, long ago, long ago.

Tho’ by your kindness my fond hopes were raised,
Long, long ago, long, long ago.
You by more eloquent lips have been praised,
Long, long ago, long, long ago,
But, by long absence your truth has been tried,
Still to your accents I listen with pride,
Blessed as I was when I sat by your side.
Long—”

“The Song
I SAW thee on thy bridal day —
When a burning blush came o’er thee,
Though happiness around thee lay,
The world all love before thee:
And in thine eye a kindling light
(Whatever it might be)
Was all on Earth my aching sight
Of Loveliness could see.
That blush, perhaps, was maiden shame —
As such it well may pass —
Though its glow hath raised a fiercer flame
In the breast of him, alas!
Who saw thee on that bridal day,
When that deep blush would come o’er thee,
Though happiness around thee lay,
The world all love before thee.”

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary—”

“It is a long road that has no turning.”

“ Ever with thee I wish to roam —
Dearest my life is thine.
Give me a cottage for my home
And a rich old cypress vine,
Removed from the world with its sin and care
And the tattling of many tongues.
Love alone shall guide us when we are there —
Love shall heal my weakened lungs;
And Oh, the tranquil hours we’ll spend,
Never wishing that others may see!
Perfect ease we’ll enjoy, without thinking to lend
Ourselves to the world and its glee —
Ever peaceful and blissful we’ll be.”

“I have a letter for you. Will you not most kindly pick it up or have it sent for after seven o’clock this evening.
O, what a rent you have made in my heart
The senses are still in your bonds
Though the bleeding soul has freed itself.”

“God knows I wish we were both in our graves. It would, I am sure, be far better.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 408.

“My heart is heavy, Helen, for I see that your friends are not my own.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 359.

“cover that depicts a member of the Sons of Temperance, standing by a fountain of water (“the beverage prepared by God himself”) under a banner that reads “Order of the Sons of Temperance to the Rescue of the World from Reign of Alcohol.”

“Mr. Sartain, I have come to you for protection and a refuge.” John Evangelist Walsh. Midnight Dreary: The Mysterious Death of Edgar Allan Poe (New York: St. Martin’s Minotaur, 2000), 73.

“It will be difficult for you to believe what I have to tell—that such things could be in this nineteenth century. It is necessary that I remain concealed for a time. I was just on my way to New York on the train, when I heard whispering going on behind me. Owing to my marvelous power of hearing I was enabled to overhear what the conspirators were saying. They were plotting to murder me. I immediately left the train and hastened back here again. I must disguise myself in someway. I must shave off this mustache at once. Will you lend me a razor?” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 73.

“Porgies at five cents a pound!”
“Apples! Fresh apples!”
“Ere’s yer lily-white hot corn!”
“Pepperpot, righthot!”
“Yeddy go, sweet potatoes!” Marc McCutcheon, The Writer’s Guide To Everyday Life in the 1800s (Ohio: Writer’s Digest Books, 1993), 136.

“After my death see that my mother gets that portrait of me from Osgood.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 77.

“Revenge…Well, a woman trouble.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 73.

“I began at once to realize the falsity of my hallucinations.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 76.

“May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.”

“I have no bread to eat—no place to sleep. You’re my last hope.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 69-70.

“If you fail me, I can do nothing but die.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 418.

“Tell them that I am sick. That I haven’t a bed to sleep upon. That I only want enough to get me out of Philadelphia.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 70.

“I thought you had deserted me!” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 71.

“I am heart-sick for Virginia,” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 419.

“Oh! Elmira, is this you!” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 353.

“I’m on my way to church and I never let anything interfere with that.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 14.

“A love that hesitates, is not a love for me.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 426.

“Reynolds.” Walsh, Midnight Dreary, 121.

“Lord help my poor Soul.” Silverman, Edgar A. Poe, 435.

“All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.”

Bibliography

Breig, James. “Speaking of the Past: the Words of Colonial Williamsburg.” CW Journal. Summer 2001. April 01, 2012. http://www.history.org/foundation/journal/summer01/words.cfm

Flexner, James Thomas. The Traitor and the Spy: Benedict Arnold and John André. Syracuse
University Press: New York, 1991.

Hans, Frederic Malon. The Great Sioux Nation: A Complete History of Indian Life and Warfare
in America, The Indians as Nature Made Them (1907). M.A. Donohue and Company
Publishers: Chicago 1907.

Hatch, Robert McConnell. Major John André: A Gallant in Spy’s Clothing. Houghton Mifflin:
Boston 1986.

Hickman, Kennedy. “American Revolution: Major John André.” About.Com Guide. Accessed
March 14, 2012. http://militaryhistory.about.com/od/americanrevolutio1/p/American-Revolution-Major-John-Andr-E.htm

Gibbon, Guy. The Sioux: The Dakota and Lakota Nations (People of America series). Blackwell
Publishing: Malden, MA 2003.

Larkin, Jack. The Reshaping of Everyday Life: 1790-1840. Harper Perennial: New York 1989.

Independence Hall Association. “Major John André,” (1997) Accessed March 14, 2012.
http://www.ushistory.org/march/bio/andre.htm

Marshall, Joseph M. III. The Lakota Way: Stories and Lessons for Living. Penguin Compass:
New York 2001.

McCutcheon, Marc. The Writer’s Guide To Everyday Life in the 1800s. Writer’s Digest Books:
Cincinnati, Ohio 1993.

Meyers, Jeffrey. Edgar Allan Poe: His Life and Legacy. Cooper Square Press: New York 2000.

Poe, Edgar Allan. Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. Doubleday: New York 1984.

Ryan, D. Michael. “Colonial Phrase to Modern Idiom: It’s Pot Luck,” Concord Magazine 1999.
Accessed April 01, 2012. http://www.concordma.com/magazine/octnov99/potluck.html

Linguanaut. The Scottish phrases and expressions. (2011) Accessed November 12, 2012.
http://www.linguanaut.com/english_scots.htm

Silverman, Kenneth. Edgar A. Poe: Mournful and Never-ending Remembrance. Harper
Perennial: New York 1992.

The Edgar Allen Poe Society of Baltimore. (1997) Accessed January 20, 2012.
http://www.eapoe.org/index.htm

The Flag in the Wind: Features – Scots Language, Idioms. Accessed November 12, 2012.
http://www.scotsindependent.org/features/scots/idioms.htm

Tunis, Edwin. Colonial Living. The Johns Hopkins University Press: Baltimore 1957.

Walsh, John Evangelist. Midnight Dreary: The Mysterious Death of Edgar Allan Poe. St.
Martin’s Minotaur: New York 2000.

Walsh, John Evangelist. The Execution of Major Andre. St. Martin’s Press: New York 2001.

2 thoughts on “Infinite Loss (Book 3)

    • Oh, I love this! Both books twice! Thanks so much for letting me know. I’ve just finished the first draft of Infinite Loss but now I’m going to go through it many times to make sure it is perfect for you 🙂

      (I have a release only mailing list on the right of the page if you want to be the first to know!)

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